WhatsApp Nama

Jab mai, ek whatsapp message kahi send karta hu, aur jis number par mai usey post karta hu, aur wo waha pahuch jaata hai, to mujhe bahut aashcharya hota hai. Koi mujhe message likhta hai, wo message mujh taq aa jata hai, to bhi mujhe aashcharya hota hai. Ki iss desh mei, jaha kuch kaam theek se nahi ho raha, ye message kaisi aa jaa rahey hai? To isspar maine ek baar bahut gehraai se vichaar kiya, aur yeh rachna usi chintan ka nateeza hai.

Kya hota agar whatsapp bhi ek sarkaari suvidha hoti? Iski puri kalpana iss post mei.

Angreezo ne jub whatsapp banaya, yeh unka hampar koi ehsaan nahi tha. Agar wo na banwaate, to hum atmanirbhar hokar syawam banatey. Garibi hatane ke liye, samajvaad ke liye, prajatantr ke liye, ya jo bhi naara ho, WhatsApp atyant aavashyak hai. Magar wo WhatsApp aisa nahi hota, jaisa aajkal hai,- ki message likha, send button dabaya, aur turant hi message ki prapti ho gayi. Nahi, hamara WhatsApp, humara hota.

WhatsApp ke daak vyavastha ko durust rakhne ke liye, humarey paas ek WhatApp mantralay hota. Aji political parties to chunaav kewal isi baat pe jit jaati, ki usney jagha jagha 'WhatsApp post box' khulwaye.

Hota yu, ki pehle 5 year plan mei, desh ke mahanagaron mei WhatsApp post office khul jaatey. Aur ek aadarsh vyavastha laagu ho jaati. Phir, doosre 5 year plan mei, samast rajdhani nagro ko iss vyavastha se jod diya jaata. Phir jaise jaise political pressure badhta jaata, jagha jagha WhatsApp office khultey jaatey. Sarkaar public se poochti, ki yaa to aap WhatsApp office le lijiye, ya university. Log kehte ki pehle WhatsApp dijiye, kyuki, message bhejne ki suvidha nahi hogi to padh likh ke kya karenge.

Hota yun, ki jaise mujhe Bhopal se Lucknow WhatsApp karna hai, to mai sabsey pehle commissioner office mei jaata. Waha mai ek application deta, ki, shrimaan ki sewa mei nivedan hai, ki mujhe Bhopal se Lucknow, apney rishtedaar ko ek message likhna hai. Mujhe Rashtriya WhatsApp postal seva ke upyoog ki anumiti di jaaye. Dy Collector incharge mere aavedan ko padhta, upar se nichey taq meri taraf dekhta, aur phir daant kar kehta “kya zarurat hai message bhejne ki? Bina bheje nahi reh saqtey? Govt ke paas aur koi kaam nahi hai aapke message bhejne ke alawa?” Mai girgirata, “he he he he, baat ye hai ki bahut jaruri kaam tha, badi meherbaani ho jayegi huzoor.” Dy collector ek performa meri taraf badhata. “Lijiye, issey bhar kar de dijiye babu ko”. Uss performa ko mai bahut sambhaal ke ghar lata aur form ko kuch iss prakaar bharta:

Mera Naam-

Pita ka naam-

Nationality-

Permanent Address-

Message likhne ka uddeshya-

Jisey msg bheja jaa rahi hai uska naam-

Uskey pita ka naam-

Address-

Gender- Male/Female/Other

Age-

Iskey pehle message kab bheja tha-

Uski taarikh-

Charitra ka pramaan patr (Character Certificate)-

Aur, Saath mei message, jo bhejna hai-

Aur iss sab ko lekar mai sarkaari treasury jaata, aur challan ki teen copy bharta. Phir SBI jaakar lifafe ka paisa jama karta. Phir treasury aata, magar tab tak treasury band ho jaati. Koi baat nahi doosrey din mai phir koshish karta. Mere saarey kagaz ki jaanch kar, tresaury ek lifafa issue kar deti. Issey lekar mai phir commissioner officer jaata, waha ke kisi clerk ko patata, uss message ko lifafey mei daalney ki permission prapt kar leta. Ab lifafa mere haath mei hai. Pata likha hua hai. Sirf WhatsApp post box mei daalna hai. Angreezo ko to sarkaari sampaati ki chinta rehti nahi thi. Usko to jaha tabiyat hui post box ka dabba latka diya. Par hum aisa kabhi nahi kartey. Hum to ek karyalay banatey. WhatsApp post ka dabba uskey andar rehtaa. 10 se 5 tak dibba khula rehtaa. Dabbey ke raksha ke liye lath lekar ek chowkidaar baitha rehta. Chai paani ke paise liye bina, wo dabbey mei lifafa nahi daalney deta.

Khair, jiska jo rate hota, mai deta, aur mera message send ho jaata. Mai ghar aakar kehta, "apna letter WhatsApp ho gaya". 

Ghar waley kitna khush hotey, ye jaan kar aap kalpana kijiye. Mohalle pehchaan walo ko pata chalta ki humara WhatsApp send ho gaya hai, suntey hi irshiyaa aur dwesh se jal jaatey.

Do teen mahiney ke baad Lucknow se message ka jawab aata. Commissioner officer ka ek chapraasi summon leke ghar aata, jismey likha hota- 'aapka message aaya hai, kripyaa pehchaan certify karwa kar le jaaye'. Mai do gazetted officer se certify karwata, ki -mai, mai hi hu, aur iskey alawa aur koi nahi. Commissioner office pahuchta. Sahab ko salaam karta. Babu ko chaai pilata. Chaprasi ko kuch rupya paani deta, aur mujhe mera message mil jaata. Halanki wo receiving mujhse likhwa lete, taaki aagey mai shikayat nahi kar saku ki message nahi mila.

Issey achha aur kya ho saqta hai. Bhai kuch bhi kaho vote to hum Indradhanush party ko hi denge, kyuki jaisa bhi ho kaam ho to jaata hai? Kitna santosh hota hai kaam pura ho jaaney par. Angreezo ko isska mahattva hi nahi pata tha, unhe kya chinta humare santosh ki.

Par jab desh par sankat padta, aantrik aur bahari sankat, jab desh ke dushman WhatsApp postal vyavastha ka galat laabh lene lagtey, fascist aur Indradhanush party virodhi takatey WhatsApp forward likh kar rashtr mei afwaahey failaane lagti, tab humare neta, turant emergency laga dete. Aur doosrey hi din rashtrapati ke adhyadesh dwara, WhatsApp postal vyavashta ke niji aur sarvajanik durupyoog par bandish lag jaati. Tab humare pradhan mantri aakashwaani se rashtra ke naam sandesh prasarit kartey hui kehte- 

Humey bahut afssos hai, ye jaan kar, aur aapko ye batatey huye, ki pichley dino hamarey desh ki WhatsApp daak vyavastha ka jabardast faayda lete hue, anti national elements ne saajish ki hai. Inka maksad ek gehri chaal thi, jismey, ho na ho, vidshi taqato ka bhi haath raha hai. Ve, WhatsApp forward likh kar shashan ke khilaaf logo ko bhadkaaye, ashanti failaaye, avyavastha kare, jissey garibi hatane ka, desh ko khushaal banane ka jo kaam chal raha hai, usmey gadbadi paidaa ho. Koi bhi deshwaashi, jisey apney mulk se pyaar hai, jisey Bharat se pyaar hai, kabhi iss baat ko sehen nahi karega ki humarey desh ki pavitra WhatsApp postal vyavastha ko, prajatantr ke khilaaf, desh ke khilaaf, desh ki ektaa ke khilaaf,  mehnat karney wali humari gareeb junta ke khilaaf istemaal nahi honey dega. Issliye bhaiyo aur behno, mujhe afsoos se kehna pad raha hai, ki hum majboor hai, jub tak desh mei aapatkaal laagu hai, WhatsApp postal vyavastha band rahegi. Hum majboor hai aur humey ye karna pad raha hai, magar ye jaruri hai, kyoki desh ko bachana, un takato se jo desh ke khilaaf hai, behad jaruri hai. Mai jaanta hu ki aap mei se kuch logo ko issey parehsaani ho saqti hai, magar ye kurbaani bahut jaruri hai desh ke liye, aur desh ke prajatantr ko bachane ke liye, jaisa hum chaahtey they, aur jo sapna tha humarey badey netao ka, Gandhi ka, Nehru ka, Babasaheb ka, jo ye hamesha chahtey they ki desh khushaal ho. Mujhe pura vishwaash hai, ki iss sapney ko pura karney ke liye aap humari madad karenge. Jai HInd..

Mai sochta hu ki kitna achha hua, WhatsApp ko angrezo ne hi banaya. Hum bantey, to uski vyavastha itni corrupt hoti, ki gareeb insaan, kahi koi message nahi bhej paata. WhatsApp karna ameero ka kaam hota, unka status symbol hota. Sarkaar jab chahti, WhatsApp post office ke paas, bandook dhaari sipahi khada kar deti, aur door khadey hum tukar tukar, us kambaqth blue tick ka intezaar kartey reh jaatey.

PS: This post is inspired, and dedicated to master satirist, Late Shri Sharad Joshi. I am no one in front of his stature.